


woody

by Anonymous



Series: to infinity and beyond [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Crimes & Criminals, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Diary/Journal, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Gen, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied Underage Sex, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Johnten/Tenny, M/M, Platonic Romance, Sad, Semi-Graphic Murder, Sexual Abuse, Triggers, Uncle/Nephew Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 20:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12306909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: 「 ten finds his cellmate's diary 」





	1. woody

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zinoxvibes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinoxvibes/gifts).



> is loosely based off of the boy who never prayed, sorry for all the spacing, etc.
> 
> self-beta'd

### woody

chittaphon leechaiyapornkul, called ten, age 21, thai-chinese descent, male; enlisted in military at age 15, however, due to post traumatic stress disorder (ptsd) he was discharged after his first term of service was completed: approximately 3 years. upon his return from military service, he began a life of criminal activity: drug smuggling, trafficking and murder included. as a result of his crime induced fame, he was dubbed "king of all crimes" as well as "behemoth", and the names had spread across all illegal rings in the east and south asian countries. however, the fame lead to his befalling; fortunate for the cops, not for him. he was caught red-handed and arrested early this year.

his entire trial had been broadcasted, something so intriguing, fascinating; interesting enough for even the generations after him to watch and learn—something that would bring them back to reality, surely.

65.8% in ratings, only about 2 commercials cutting off the entire four-hour event; yet money was still coming in full throttle from the advertisements to the airing company, nearly all of korea was watching, and all who had access watched well—because this man, once heroic and brave, was a criminal.

in just three years, multiple counts of murder and sexual assault; illegal drug transportation, drug trafficking, human trafficking; kidnap, grand larceny, fraud and organ trading.

the man had done so much, and hurt so many. it was a relief he was caught.

he was unfeeling, a statue of a man even: the complete stretch of the broadcast he was quiet, stone cold, not even a tear from his eyes as survivors bawled and angry fathers shout—and his attorney, a nervous man sweating bullets the entire trial, his suit jacket having been set down and off his body the first minute of camera time, and the jury was restless, just as much as the lawyer screeching ludicrous at the anxious man—and he was nothing less than a poser in chittaphon's eyes, since he took the wrongdoings of a criminal to heart.

in the prison designated for this heartless criminal, half the inmates crowded around the crappy television set with both fascination and fear intertwined in their eyes—and the word spread again.

beware, this man was crazy.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

_“do you, chittaphon leechaiyapornkul, wish to speak against these accusations? you haven’t spoken once, not once this entire time, not even to the claims of false mental handicap just to receive payment. do these allegations of murder and aggravated sodomy, not bother you?”_

_“what’s true shouldn’t bother me, don’t you think?”_

for recess, it went on commercial.

_“the defendant is found guilty, on account of homicide, rape, human and human organ trafficking, and possession and illegal distribution of drugs. you are sentenced to double-life in prison. court is dismissed. have a nice life in prison, chittaphon; I hope they treat you well.”_

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

when the jury came to with an answer, the entire courtroom burst with cheers that mocked fanfare; the man, chittaphon leechaiyapornkul, nodded along to their cheers like music. was it understanding, or mockery of the justice served?

he didn’t seem remorseful, this strange man.

this strange man, who won't live to see the light of day outside of prison.

this strange man, who now lived life in a jail cell. afraid of no one, of nothing.

and ten _does_ live a nice life in prison, despite the judge’s sarcastic words; all is well where he goes.

now, however secluded his life should be; he's as social as a criminal gets. he speaks to fellow jail-mates and even exhibits the behaviour of a sane man—and he’s youngho’s new cell mate.

as the man ten is, he of course did research on the person he'd be rooming with—this seo youngho, he'd been in jail for only so long, but he hadn't been given the pleasure of a four-hour court hearing, and the motives behind whatever crime he commit were unclear, so much so people feared him for it.

and even though everyone says he should be wary of the american boy he shares a cell with, for his mystery, for his unnaturalness; he’s not even in the slightest sense intimidated.

see, youngho, he’s tall and lanky, thin and lean, and his face is a mix of soft and sharp features; when he talks to the guards he’s kind, to the other prisoners he’s not the nicest, but he still manages to sound like a whisper after a taste of chocolate, something sweet like that—even so, ten doesn’t underestimate him, whatever he was in for, got him here.

however, ten didn’t need to be concerned.

not at all.

he’d been watching youngho for the two months he’d been there, and what he knew was all he needed.

youngho, this supposedly scary boy, was a boy of few threats—he didn’t speak unless spoken to, didn’t move unless it was needed, he didn’t curse unless he was in pain; he didn’t like the taste of any food except sweets, but still ate all meals served, he didn’t smoke but he drank, he sometimes slept on the floor, and sketched little dogs every now and then.

he doesn’t work out but he manages to be fit, he doesn’t like loud sounds and he’s rather shy; he hates being hot, likes when it's pin drop silent, but hates when it’s dark. he doesn’t like being touched unless he initiates it—even if it’s just a handshake—and if he does initiate it, it's only for so long before he freaks out.

he doesn’t like showering with the other inmates, they stare too much—and ten had noticed staring was a big thing for youngho. once, maybe purposely, chittaphon had chosen to observe his cellmate, as if a man making a documentary; and the reaction wasn't good. his mysterious, feared cellmate _cried_ —shaking and sobbing and begging, pleading for ten to stop. would it be wrong of chittaphon to assume his fearsome jail-mate was traumatized? to think he was fucked up to the point of regression as coping? was it wrong?

_maybe._

nevertheless, _chittaphon didn’t care._

__

if he wasn't a threat, he wasn't anything ten needed to bother with.

but, recently, he supposes he felt inclined to.

youngho had been going to see the warden a lot more, and whenever he came back he had a pen.

just this one, same pen.

it intrigued ten, how someone so indifferent could be so happy about a pen.

and then, ten saw it.

a journal.

he’d been eyeing it for days, he’d been eyeing it long enough for a month, then another, another again to have passed by—until he had been jail for an entire year. there, however, was no way he would ever be able to snatch it and take a look.

he just wanted to look.

because something about the journal was so compelling, something about the book made him antsy with want to see what it was about. what was in it, what it contained—what could make such a shadowy figure like youngho, look so human?

then it grew—the curiosity.

what was it what was it what was it _what was it?_

ten was jealous.

_what was it about?_

ten was supposed to be the reason anyone was afraid, he was supposed to be the monster terrorizing dreams—he was supposed to be the bombs that exploded in a survivor’s thought, the touch that plagued a little girl’s mind, the blood that haunted a guilty man, the cries ringing in a mother’s ears, the pain stinging the body of a son; he was supposed to be what everyone dreaded, what made youngho cry in his sleep.

he was supposed to _be_ fear.

so what was it?

_just what was it?_

what was it that trumped _the_ king of all crimes so victoriously?

_what was it?_

the question circles around in his head like an abandoned carousel for months, it’s all he thinks about; all he thinks about when he’s out in the court, when he eats and sleeps and even fights—he wanted to know.

///

it was july, the cells were hot; youngho was quiet.

ten kissed him.

it wasn't unplanned of course, ten had been thinking about it for a while—what would be the reaction? would it satisfy him? 

youngho punched him, and of course he did it back.

in the end ten had given a sheepish smile, with a mouth full of blood and bruised knuckles; and he ended up getting a smile back.

ten thinks youngho is pretty.

and ten thinks he wants to know _more_ because he's always wanted to dominate easily, using knowledge to his advantage as always—because intelligence was always ten’s trump card; he had vast understanding of plenty things, with an exception of human feeling, and he could always outsmart even the smartest.

when he tries to persuade youngho into bed, he ends up starting a fight.

but youngho isn’t good at fighting, so chittaphon wins—however, the thought of hurting youngho fades alongside his newfound and unsure lust. he realizes he doesn’t care to engage in sexual intercourse anymore.

_he just wants to know._

because intelligence was always ten’s trump card, he had a vast understanding of plenty things, with an exception of human feeling; but the downside was, he always wanted to know _more._

and whatever he had to do to get to know more, he would do.

today, youngho had slept in, calmer than he’d ever been their time spent together.

the journal, his journal was on the table, the clutter of ten’s many recurrences of war scattered about atop it—and usually the book was hidden, nowhere to be seen, or like the first time he’d spotted it; peeking just slightly from beneath a flattened pillow—today it was atop the table, beneath ten's own papers.

the curiosity was real enough to taste—ten’s mouth flavours with blood, with need, and he wants more.

_what was it?_

youngho is sleeping, he’s facing the wall, his back towards ten; his breathing is shallow but lively, his chest rising and falling every moment as he peacefully slept—there’s no sound from outside the cell, ten’s ears are losing to the chaotic thoughts swarming his mind; he’s curious, nosy enough to look—he’s curious.

he silently settles into the seat at the table, both melded into the floor to prevent any creation of a weapon—though ten had previously threatened to kill a guard after he kicked a leg out, unable to escape his useless flashbacks of shooting innocent bystanders dead in the fights of war—and anxiously breathes through his nose, his fingers twitching as he slowly reached for the flimsy book.

when the pads of his fingers graze the textured surface of the journal, he hears a breath puff from beneath the covers; where youngho lie, asleep.

he examines the book, his anxiety melting off into the nonchalant him of years upon years; and disregards the messily written ‘seo youngho’ on the front, the cursive letters smudged and dirtied.

the book must be in english, maybe that’s why it was left out—maybe youngho didn’t know he could speak it. maybe he did; but ten didn’t care, he just wanted to know.

he pulls at the wrinkled leather, it's peeling nonstop, falling apart at the seams, the pages are seemingly yellowed and plenty are folded despite the actual lack of paper; it seems otherworldly, too realistic, too emotional for such an aloof man—but it's real, physical, heavy in chittaphon's hands.  


he opens it.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

 

_**1/12/2009**  
_ _i think its pretty weird to write in a diary usually girls only do that but I got it from yoonoh so i guess I should use it he said i should call him casper but I dont think thats a cool nick name at all so I wont_

__

_we met last year though, idont know why he made that name up now_

_today was a fun day though, i got a A in math and because of that i got a award and mom said i can get a surprise and when we got home there was a puppy and I was really happy because it was excitedd and jumped up and around on my legs until it was sleepy and I got to pet it a lot_

_I accidentally found out the puppy was a boy but it was fine becuase he just kept running around and sniffing things I named him woody becuase his fur is brown and he peed on my old toys story blanket but now its his so I dont really care_

_mom said when she went to the place he was before he jumped on her and licked her phone when i called and she knew he was going to be a good pet_

_after playing all day we had dinner and i dropped a couple pieces of chicken below to see how he would re act and he licked my fingers_

_woody is really cute, I hope he never leaves_

**_2/9/2009_**  
_today is my birthday and I'm offcially  
14 and now mom says i can start learning to get my drivers permit thing I dont know what its for but yoonoh says it'll make the other kids jealous so I want it ^^ _

__

_I didn't want to have a party though because the kids at school dont really talk to me but my mom still sent me out to celebrate and all the girls came_

_yoonoh said one of them gave him her number but I didnt relly care becuase she always trips me at school and her boyfriend likes to push me down the stairs after gym_

_that night yoonoh gave me alcohol and I thought it tasted like poison and spit it out on the girl and he laughed at her_

_being fourteen doesn't feel much differnt though, only yoonoh's voice made me realise_

_**2/17/2009**  
woody is really hyper today because i bought him treats and he really likes them. he bit me on accident but I just cleaned up the blood and gave him another snack_

__**3/5/2009**  
_i laughed alot today becuase woody chased off the mailman and peed on his shoes  
woody likes shoes for some reason _

__

///

a couple of inmates pass by the cell, laughing at a vulgar joke. youngho adjusts the blanket lazily as he slept 

///

__**3/5/2009 ******  
_dad came home today and him and mom argued and woody slept on the bed with me  
I really love woody_

********

_**5/12/2009**  
today I got suspended for fighting in school the other boy broke my collar bone and it really hurt but I went to the doctor and they said it would get better but I was still very mad the boy tried to say I threatened him but he threw a ball at me for accientaly tripping over his bookbag and breaking his phone and I got mad so I punched him but he slammed me against the lockers and I felt sick_

_when I got home woody was sleeping on my moms lap and she was talking about organizing a wedding_

///

the handwriting transitions and from pencil and becomes pen, more sophisticated and more cold with the way words were written.

///

_**6/1/2010**  
I don't like when my uncle visits._

_He likes to hit the dog, Woody doesn't do anything much, but uncle likes to smack him and throw him._

_I hate when my uncle visits, when he comes he hurts Woody--he punches Woody and steps on his tail and pulls his ear and cuts his fur, he spits on Woody and flings him out the room._

_I really hate when my uncle visits, then I shower a lot and Woody gets hurt more._

_**6/3/2010**_  
_Woody was staring at me when it happened_  
_uncle had kissed mom on the lips and she smiled_

_Yoonoh had texted me right then, asking if I wanted to come over and play games_

_I said yes._

_That night, on impulse, I kissed Yoonoh like I saw earlier in the day_

_Yoonoh had let it happen and even continued it but all I could think about was the way Woody had stared at me_

_I didn't know how to breathe until I got home_

_**7/2/2010**  
all I remeber is coming home and laying down_

_when I wake up everything hurts there's tears water is everywhere and when I look up uncle is there at the doorway_

_it's sunny and hot and the house is humid. im tired and sweaty and mom is drunk and uncle is screaming and woody is whining and uncle is smacking woody around for pissing in his shoe and yoonoh is sleeping in my room because his parents found out about what we did and he snuck in to see me becuase he said he liked me and im sure mom and uncle know but they wont tell me dad visited but I dont know why but every time I move my brain moves like slush in my skull and i can't breathe and the air is too hot to inhale and there's blood pouring from my nose. uncle hands mom another drink_

_**8/23/2010**  
today mom said she loved me and I got mad_

_**9/7/2010**  
There's a thunderstorm and the sounds are loud and I'm too afriad to say anything and Yoonoh is here but he can't come out because uncle is here but uncle keeps_

_moving and movin g and I cant stop crying and uncle snatches yoonoh out of his hiding spot and screams at him and tell him he's scum, he cant be around me right now_

_I dont see yoonoh for a while_

_**10/31/2010**  
It's Halloween--and I might be fifteen but I still dress up and go as a werewolf to match with yoonoh who's a vampire and I think he looks good but I cant say it because uncle is walking with us_

_when he wasnt looking, yoonoh kissed me_

_**12/29/2010**  
A girl at school pushed me into the janitors closet with the boy that slammed me agasint the lockers and he wouldn't look me in the eyes_

_I made him cry_

 

///

ten's eyebrow jumps, taken aback by the excitement encased in smudged pen marks and misspelled words, he turns the page.

there's nothing but a drawing.

he turns the pages, again and again, and nothing more than messily drawn dogs appear. he manages to make a face at all the sketches that the elder made even to this day, but then the drawings stop.  
ten’s eyes sting.

///

 

_**2/11/2011**  
I hate when my unclevisits he doesn't stop even when I ask him to_

_**2/9/2011**  
Today I watched mom kiss uncle and take his cup after I put something in his drink._

_Yoonoh sent me a mean text for my birthday._

_**4/12/2011**  
he didnt die, mom did._

_when we got to the house he grabbed me and dragged me inside and I couldn't stop crying but he slammed me into the wall and I felt sick and my head felt heavy but he hit me and blood came from my nose and there were spots in my vision and woody was growling and he was loud_

_mom wasn't coming home because she saw what I did and she drank from the cup and i found the book she'd been writing and she only wrote poems about weddings and suicide and it made me_

_When my eyes had started working again uncle was stomping on woody and I begged him to stop and choked on blood when he flung me away and I felt dizzy but all I could do was cry for him to stop but he just kept kicking and kicking and kicking until the dog stopped barking._

_**4/14/11**  
Today I met Taeyong, he said him and Yoonoh were dating. I wanted to be mean, wanted to cry but uncle was pinching my hand because we had to throw woody out_

_**5/19/2011**  
last night uncle made me sleep on the floor for asking about his real name_

_it's not satan, of course I know but I accepted it becuase my arm was still broken_

_**9/12/2012**  
I had to hide my diary for awhile, uncle started asking about it and started teasing me about it but Iwas too scared to answer and he was too curious i_

 

///

youngho stirs for a moment, curling into himself.

///

 

_**11/19/2012**  
I forgot about this for a little I was busy with school but I didnt really wanna go yoonoh tried to kiss me and I hit him and he told the class about what we did as stupid kids who got drunk for the first time and everyone called me a slut and I didn't know how I _

_I threw up in the principals office and they sent me home and uncle said his name was joonseok before he pulled his belt out._

_**3/10/2013**  
i wanna go to college but uncle says im too stupid _

_**3/23/2013**  
I accidentally bumped into some kid today, he said his name was mark. he's been following me around since last week._

_**5/25/2013**  
I forgot to tell uncle I was going out with mark to help him study today and I cant see past the pillow on my face I keep begging I kept crying and I asked him to stop because I couldn't breathe but he kept pushing and pushing and my legs wouldn't work and my hands were shaking and my eyes had rolled back and I was scared and he stopped and kissed me_

_**9/5/2014**  
mark smiled at me when he figured out my iq was pretty low, i think his 14 year old best friend is even smarter then me _

_he left back to Canada the next day and gave me a fountain pen that matches my diary_

_**10/10/2014**  
uncle told me to call him joonseok while he held me down on the bed_

_**10/11/2014**  
I miss Woody._

_**10/12/2014**  
uncle told me he never thought of mom and me as family, he said we were too pretty_

_**10/13/2014**_  
_uncle bought me a phone.  
its broken, it wont call even wheni dial 911_

_**10/14/2014**  
uncle kissed me really hard, my lip is bleeding_

_**10/14/2014**  
uncle says my mouth is nice_

_**4/16/2015**  
uncle gave me a blade and told me to kill myself after he _

_I was crying it was in my hair and it tasted bad and my back hurt and i hated it more and more and more_  
_I miss woody and mom and the way woody would hide under the bed and how mom would smile when we washed laundry but_  


_i don’t miss how woody would cry when i cried and how mom would ignore mydirty clothes and say it wasn’t blood  
I hate him I hate him I hate him_

_he wouldn't stop touching me and he kept talking he kept talking and talking and talking  
I didn’t want to die but he kept talking and talking an_

_I took his gun and shot him._

_I felt sleepy and my hands were shaking but I shot him and his knees gave out and he was shouting and he was laughing at me he was laughing he called me a bitch and I shot his arm when he tried to grab me and he told me I was only good for sex and I shot him and shot him and shot him and watched his brains blow out from the back of his head when I shoved the gun in his mouth_

_the neighbors called the police on me_

_**12/6/2015**_  
_its snowing outside they were screaming at me I didnt feel_

_I couldnt feel bad_  
_they said I was guilty and the cuffs got tighter, longer  
I slept on the ride there_

_**6/6/2016**  
the guy in the next cell keeps saying he knows me from middle school, I know no jaehyun _

_**3/23/2017**  
i know he’s curious_

_**10/8/17**_  
_last page_  
_thanks for reading._  



	2. my dog, woody

### my dog, woody

### 

"hope it was satisfying."

youngho turns over and smiles.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> end。


End file.
